she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
