I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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