Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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