I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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