Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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