So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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