went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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