I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
