have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
