i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
