Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
