sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
