just tell him i said nine months
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
