We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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