I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
