Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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