four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
