Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
