I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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