nut hugger
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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