I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
