his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
