don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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