so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
