she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
