just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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