I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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