I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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