Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
