You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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