remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
