Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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