I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
