Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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