Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
