My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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