he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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