Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
