This is not my ceiling
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
