Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
