It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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