Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
