so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
