At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
