just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize