Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
