you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
