8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
