its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
its liver damage thursday
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
