i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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