I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
