I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
