you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
