I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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