she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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