I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
