You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
