We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
barbara walters just said penis...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm like, not good at living.