Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.