if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.