Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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