I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
