I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Randomize
