ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just had sex bonerless
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
